knowledge > feelings

02:00 AM...

This is not how I wanted to start blogging again. But I need to think "out loud" and vent.

It doesn't feel like God is good tonight. I know He is, but I'm having a real hard time with this one. One of my very best friends is going through something no one should have to go through, and I've watched too many similar situations with more than one close friend over the last two years. How many times will I have to tell sit with them in silence or try to tell them God will see them through? Especially when it's a situation where God has majorly blessed me in the same area that they are dealing with so much pain? 

I hate this. 

I know God is good, but it's hard not to think, How could you let this happen? Why them? But then, why anyone? Why do innocent children and "good people" anywhere suffer? Can I doubt God's goodness more when terrible things happen to either me or people close to me than if those same things only fell on those outside my circles? No - God doesn't change. He is good whether our circumstances are or not, whether we feel like He is or not. He shares in our grief and sorrows. 

Right now I feel angry, hurt, questioning, and helpless for my friend.

But I know that God is good, loving, compassionate, merciful, kind, giving, helping, healing, faithful, perfect, comfort, strength, in control.

But I still hate this.

From Psalms 77.

I cry out to God; yes, I shout.
      Oh, that God would listen to me!
All night long I prayed, with hands lifted toward heaven,
      but my soul was not comforted.
I think of God, and I moan,
      overwhelmed with longing for his help.

You don’t let me sleep.
      I am too distressed even to pray!

Has God forgotten to be gracious?
      Has he slammed the door on his compassion?

But then I recall all you have done, O Lord;
      I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago.
They are constantly in my thoughts.
      I cannot stop thinking about your mighty works.

O God, your ways are holy.
      Is there any god as mighty as you?
You are the God of great wonders!
      You demonstrate your awesome power among the nations.

From Lamentations 3.

I will never forget this awful time,
      as I grieve over my loss.
Yet I still dare to hope
      when I remember this:
The faithful love of the Lord never ends.
      His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
      his mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
      therefore, I will hope in him.”
The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
      to those who search for him.
No one is abandoned
      by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion
      because of the greatness of his unfailing love.
For he does not enjoy hurting people
      or causing them sorrow.